The Moe You Think You Know


Ah...A little pre-dinner entertainment...
Hello, can I speak to mister Al, last name Coholic?

Phone for Al...Al Coholic...Is there an Al Coholic here?
Wait a minute...
Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!


Oliver Clothesoff! Call for oliver Clothes off!
Marge picks up the extension and hears
Listen, you lousy bum! If I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!
Oh my...Must be a wrong connection...


Er, is I.P. Freely here? Hey everybody! I.P. Freely!
Barney: Ya sure do Moe! Hahaha! Buuuuurp!
Listen to me, you lousy bum, when I get a hold of you, I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!


Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh...Wait a minute...Jacques Strap...
It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!


Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna cut out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!


Bart in principal Skinner's office calls to Moe :
Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer : Don't look at me!
Oh, no...
You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner at the other end of the line: You'll do what young man?


Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!


Uh, hey everybody! i'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and...I like to kiss my own butt!


Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, someody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!


Bea O'Problem ! Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney : You sure do!
Oh, it's you isn't it?
Listen you, when I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head as a bucket and paint my house with your brains!


Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney : Maybe your standards are too high!
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Well, my name is Jimbo Jones and I live in 742, Evergreen Terrace. I'm making out with Laura Powers in my living room.


Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!


Moe is a substitute teacher in Bart's class during the strike of the regular teachers.
Ok, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present".
Ahem, Anita Bath?
Students laugh
All right, settle down, Anita Bath here?
More laughs
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Still more laughs
Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name off a list of what are now former substitute teachers


Mr. Burns : I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland?
Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it?
Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!


Homer with Lisa : Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura.
Eura Snotball?
Homer : What? How dare you! If I ever find out who this is, I'll staple an American flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!


Back to my Home Page