Private Eye Bartholomew J. Simpson

Bart Simpson on the Conan O'Brien Show

Bart did his research!!!

Bart questioning Martin on the bus

Hi man, my name is private-eye Bartholomew J. ( the J. is for "jestation" ) Simpson. I asked 19 boys, girls, men and women

Marge Simpson : "Umm...wait 'til your father gets home and he'll explain it to you."

Janey Powell (one of Lisa's stupid friends) : "I think the milkman brings them."

Milhouse Van Houten : "They're made at the North Pole by happy little elves."

Lewis : "You call up and order one just like a pizza, only it takes nine months for delivery. But if they deliver it late, the baby's free."

Edna Krabappel : "Shiftless husbands give them to their young and nubile secretaries. The best years of my life down the toilet and now he's playing house with that bimbo from the typing pool. There, are you satisfied?"

Ralph Wiggum : "My parents said they got me trough a mail-order catalog."

Todd Flanders : "I'm not sure exactly, but you can go to hell for that question."

Groundskeeper Willie : "Laddie, ask me again and you'll be conducting yer wee survey from the bottom of a well."

Barney Gumble : "Oh my God! Am I pregnant again?"

Moe : Don't worry Barney. I'll make an honest man out of you."

Lisa Simpson : "All I know is, you were the result of a bio-genetic experiment gone awry. But Mom and Dad swore me to secrecy, so if you ask them, they'll deny it."

Kent Brockman : "Babies? Babies...let's see...hmmm...why don't you go ask that college intern over there?"

Sherri and Terri ( the identical twins ) : "Duh! Everyone knows the stork drops them down your chimney!"

Krusty the Clown : "Due to the voluminious amount of mail that Krusty receives, he is unable to answer your question. Keep watchin', kids!"

Sideshow Mel : No answer/Honking noises

Nelson Muntz : "From the looks of you I'd say the zoo/. Haw haw!"

Jasper : "Scabies?! Dagnabbit, you can tell?!!"

Grampa Simpson : "Rabies?!! Here -- put this mustard plaster on your chest and you'll feel much better in no time."

Homer Simpson : "Go ask your mother."


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