Krusty's Opinions on Life

Krusty the Clown smoking a cigarette, looking angry.

It's April, so in a few weeks all you big-shot college boys will be getting out for the summer. One word of advice, don't try to smuggle out a thousand of those toilet paper rolls they give for free by swallowing them. Oy Gevalt! It'll give you gas like you wouldn't believe!

You know, the Superbowl's next weekend, so let me give you one little advice...


I don't what kinda odds the maf...uh-heheheh.. I meant to say the odds KAF-ka, that dead Russian writer, yeah that's it, gives you, always bet on the favorite! Take that advice from your favourite clown, Krusty. Hoo-hoo-hoo-hahahahah!

You know what holiday really gets to me? Thanksgiving! What the hell is this all about? Paying tribute to a bunch of dead guys who dressed up in those frilly white outfits and ate turkey? I don't call that memorable, I call that something-I-might-do -if-I-was-drunk-enough. If you're going to have a holiday for them, why don't you have one for me too? Krusty Day. July first. Kind of like a second New Years, except there's no eggnog, no ball, an none of that old angsine crap. Just a bunch of clowns drunk off their asses.

Chestnuts roasting on an open...Oh sorry. Hey, it's me, your favorite clown Krusty! Well, that calendar says October 1 which means only one thing to me. Nothing! I have no opinion on that date, but I do want to say one thing about this month, October. The end of it means another of those Treehouse of Horror episodes so all I'm saying is that if the writers don't include me this year, boy is my agent going to have something to say about that. I'm still jilted after my minimal part in the Who Shot That Old Dude episode! OY! That brisket ain't sitting right...

UUGGGH!! It's summer. And ya know what that means. Roaches. Everywhere. Found one in my underpants the other day, gave it to Mr. Teeny, God knows what he did with it. Summer makes me sick. Especially when you have to spend it on the highway picking up trash. Ta HELL with community service!


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